Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
