if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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