My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
last night I used snow as a chaser
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
