seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
