So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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