It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My breasts were aching with rage.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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