so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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