you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
