Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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