God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
