You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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