dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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