Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
