He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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