dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
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he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
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great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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