Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
