Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
