took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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