We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
