It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
