don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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