You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i love accidental penises.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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