When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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