well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
