ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
