Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Everclear isn't food dammit
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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