when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
