Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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