What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
