I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
