She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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