I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
