im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
