I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
