I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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