I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
