She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
