She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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