honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
