Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
