her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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