I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
