It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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