worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
