My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize