what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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