then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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