There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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