There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
