can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
