the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
