Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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