Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
