3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
