If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
