so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
