I smell stomach acid.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
