new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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