Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dicks are not precious.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
