just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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