im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
