I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
