No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
