i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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