I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize