Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have aggressive nipples.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
